From the beginning, Mollie has been shallow. During the first meeting, with Old Major, she was curious about her ribbons and sugar, and when she asked, she was ridiculed for “being devoted to slavery”. This was the beginning of Mollie’s uncertainty about the revolution. She wasn’t used to not having sugar, or having ribbons in her hair, and a seed of doubt was planted in her head. This is in stark contrast to the first meeting of book, with Old Major. Mollie is seen mincing daintily in, waving her long white mane around, and chewing sugar. It becomes clear that the ribbons and sugar have been a part of her ever since she came to the farm. The realization that she would be stripped of these privileges made her doubt the rebellion from the start. This was the beginning of her arc. Her character can be compared to the high class bourgeois, who were unsure about the rebellion if it meant their luxuries would be taken away. This is even more proof that she was never really committed to the rebellion, or Old Major. All she was concerned for were her own personal needs.
Remember to use SEXY. Make sure the initial topic sentence statement at the beginning is clear, as it shapes what the entire paragraph is to be about. Consider how it addresses the question you have been asked and how your paragraph is being organised. There are a lot of excellent ideas in here, it just needs to be cleaned up to make your point clearer.